confessions of an awkward dad ... or ... Love Wins

WOW!!! WE ARE IN COUNTDOWN MODE!!! ONLY 9 short days until we travel on JULY 1 to go get the boys. ASHER (5) is above left and WILL (3) is above right. we could not post pictures until we recieved our final confirmation, but these are the little men you have been praying for... thank you!

and so our days have been filled with lists... check off lists, to do lists, to pack lists, not to do lists, to do when we get back lists, to do while we are there lists, lists about which list we should start with each day, prayer lists, food lists, lilly lists, and a list of apology notes we still need to write to all the people who have had one or more of their personal possessions chewed up, eaten, or carried off by our 900lb. yellow horse of a Lab. (actually my wife is making all the lists... thanks babe)

anyway... with all of that said, the thing that dominates our thoughts and conversations of our family are not lists... but just the boys, Asher & Will, who are just a couple of weeks from having their whole lives flipped on end. people have been so kind and encouraging with words, and without fail we always seem to get things said to us like... 'your whole world is about to change' or 'life will never be the same at your house' or 'lilly and diana better watch out, the men are taking over...' (and that is true, or at least they will let us think that) but the real truth is that, MY WHOLE WORLD is not about to change and there will be parts of MY LIFE that WILL BE THE SAME. i will sleep in the same bed, live at the same house, eat a lot of the same foods, go to a lot of the same places i have been before with a lot of the same people... and this is no knock on those statements, b/c i say them myself... and i love that people are putting themselves in OUR shoes and are imagining how this whole thing might look for us... but the greatest life shift, by far, will be for the boys.

diana and lilly and i have had a hundred conversations about what their little hearts and minds will be going through b/c their whole world IS about to change... and life will NEVER BE THE SAME from anything they remember up to this point.

we have tried to imagine how communication will work (since they will not speak english and are too young to read) ... do we use signs, pictures, signals, morse code... i find myself daydreaming about simple bathroom scenarios with the boys trying to tell me what they need and me looking like a major league catcher sending pitch signals to my superstar pitcher... '1 finger means tinkle, 2 fingers means... well, it means the ol # 2, and i guess 5 fingers means.... too late, already finished. CLEAN UP ON AISLE 6.

or what about those awkward moments that can be so crushing or embarrassing... or just ... AWKWARD. i mean, we've all been there, right? ... like forgetting your future mother-in-laws name at dinner, credit card decline at toys-R-them during the Christmas line season, forgetting how to back a trailer at the lake while other boaters are waiting on you to get out of the way, getting caught picking your nose, getting caught picking a wedge, tripping over air (you know who you are), pulling up to the wrong side of a gas pump at a busy station then trying to hold your place and your temper while you turn around, having to yell for toilet paper at a friends house b/c you didn't notice the roll was out... or worse yet running the toilet over at a friends house (especially like a girlfriend or in-laws) while you stand above it trying to use your jedi powers, hand motions, and repeated 'no, no, no, stop, stop, stop, please, please, please' to keep the water in place (been there, tell your mom i'm sorry joel). moments like these, if not met with an already founded identity or someone there to laugh WITH you and remind you that these are not the things that define you, could be devastating or at the very least make you self conscious and timid.

or what about when you're scared or hurt but don't know if its ok to cry or have never had those things met with compassion and concern, kindness and gentleness. or what if you're hungry and don't know if its ok to ask for food becuase you have been taught that you those are things you just don't do. who knows what will be in their heads... or in ours in those moments. our hope is that LOVE WILL WIN. that it will cover even those awkward moments when the our hearts are tempted to find their identity in something we were never intended to be defined by. oh how we pray that LOVE WINS. my jesus teaches my that it does. and i am trusting that it will.

so that the first time little WILL (3) forgets where the bathroom is and uses diana's pillow for his 'pee pee place', or ASHER (5) finds himself dressed in a pink tutu playing princess dress up tea party because his older sister LILLY said it was what ALL little boys do ... we can all laugh and grin, hug and wrestle (not on the 'pee' pillow... but you know what i mean) and watch LOVE WIN. that even in the most awkward, strange, or confusing moment... even when we can't say it to each other in a verbal language we understand yet ... LOVE WINS ... and they can rest in that, find peace in that and comfort. (perfect love casts out fear... 1 john) i want to give that to my kids ... and to the world.

so our prayers have been simple and straight forward... from the words paul used in philippians 4... 'rejoice in the Lord always ... let your gentleness be evident to all. THE LORD IS NEAR. do not be anxious for anything ... bring all your requests to God in prayer ... and the PEACE of God that trancends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ.'

we are simply praying that God will bring that peace to them even when they don't really know what is going on... and we are praying that God will bring that peace to diana, lilly, and myself even when we don't know... and that God will guard all of our hearts and minds in Christ... that we can think more like Him, see more like Him, love more like Him, give more like Him, hear more from Him... that our minds and hearts would be completely wrapped up by Him and that our boys can not only experience the love of a family and community, but the love of Christ that 'transcends' language barriers, and chaos and confusion... that goes beyond past hurts or memories and makes way for new starts and adventures... that lets us laugh at ourselves and that turns awkward moments that could easily leave us feeling vulnerable or insecure into humor or learning and bonding experiences together as a family.

thanks again for being on the journey... and today i would simply invite you to add PEACE to your prayer list for asher, will, diana, lilly, myself, and one another... and that all of our hearts and minds would be guarded in Christ until maybe... just maybe... some awkward moment lets us give that peace and love away to someone else.